Think, Know, and Experience


I’ve been seeking knowledge for most of my life, especially, between living in and experiencing the U.S.A. and Brazil.

My mother was Brazilian and it was she who was the guiding light and force in my life, not my American father nor my American step-father who were both, unfortunately, weak and/or absent forces in my life. Because of that absence by the American side of my family, my experience was colored through a lens by which I view and continue to view the world between the U.S.A. and Brazil.

Between two worlds for decades, I was affected so much by the experience that I became virtually “lost” between them searching for my own soul, my own purpose and my own sense of belonging. My life has been one of constant emotional pain because I never seemed to fit in, anywhere, in both countries. I still don’t feel that I belong entirely to either one. Because I did not have a strong influence from the American side of my family and because that side of my family was absent and distant, I withdrew from the American side of my world and, eventually, opted permanently for Brazil, which was always the world I experienced through my mother and, then, in Brazil itself. It was, and is a world far more receptive which embraced me as much as my mother did.

I spent a major part of my life in the U.S.A. and, also, abroad for some years at U.S. military bases during my adolescence and teenage years because my  stepfather was in the Air Force.

My mother married my stepfather a few years after she and my biological father divorced. My father divorced my mother in 1953 because she refused to give up her Brazilian citizenship when my father wanted to join, at the time, the budding C.I.A.’s arm, the National Security Agency (N.S.A.). No member of the C.I.A. / N.S.A. could have a foreign-born wife and so, therefore, the complete separation.

It’s funny that for the vast majority of my life neither my father nor my mother mentioned that he was part of the N.S.A. I didn’t discover this until after my mother died in 2004. I called my father three years after her death and spoke to my father about two years before he died in 2009. He revealed to me, very briefly, that he was not only in the Navy as an officer for all those years he was absent from my life but he was, also, part of the N.S.A.

During a portion of my life, between my 30s and 50s, especially, , when I was living in Washington, D.C., I somehow suspected, or was a little paranoid, that we, my mother and I, and maybe my brother, too, were being watched by the C.I.A.. did not think about this very often but it was just a suspicion for all those years between my 30s and my 50s. Then, in 2007, before I departed the U.S.A. permanently to live in Brazil, I telephoned my father in order to make peace with him after decades of feeling abandoned. It was then that he revealed to me that he was part of the U.S. Navy Intelligence which my mother never ever had mentioned.

I have no proof of what I am about to say, however, I thought it very odd that my mother never ever mentioned my father’s connection to the C.I.A., not even once. I had to find that out from my father directly before he passed away. If I hadn’t called him, he would never have told me and I would have never known. However, I’m glad he did tell me, but it still makes me wonder if the spooks still “know” all about me.

Three years after my mother died in Florida in 2004, I finally moved, permanently, to Brazil in 2007. I really began to feel that I was home for the very first time. In October, 2015, I found my first and current apartment that I have ever owned for myself anywhere. I never bought any real estate in my whole life until I was 64. When I saw the view from my living room window in my current apartment, I somehow, deep down inside, knew that I was home at last. I felt profoundly, and still do, that this is where I am supposed to be now. Finally, I have my very own place for the time in my life. I still feel that my journey is not over and that there will be other things to realize and experience. I hope to resolve my lack of connection to anyone or to any place. I have settled permanently in Brazil now and, as far as I know, this is where I will remain until my last day in the physical world.

I do love all the positive experiences that I had there in the U.S. I still remember all my favorite American films from the 1930s all the way up until the present. I feel, though, that I never really belonged there in the U.S. ever. It was only an experience I had to go through because of circumstances beyond my control.

Most of my life has been an emotional roller-coaster for more than 50 years. I have struggled to find my true self and my true purpose but it still eludes me.

Life takes us where we need to be because we each have imagined, felt and flowed, like a river toward where life has led us, and continues to lead us. I am grateful for the experiences I have had despite many difficulties. Who, however, doesn’t have or hasn’t had difficulties in this life? Even the mega-rich people of this world have their own experiences and problems in this world. Life in this existence is certainly a challenge. There is no use in getting caught up in this world as everything will change, nothing will remain the same and, some day, we all will leave this existence forever. Nothing physical can really be trusted. Physical being is just an illusion, it is on temporary loan for our experience and learning.

So, sing your song and let others know who you are, where you are going and how you hope to get there! Also, sing the song of what needs to be changed to have a better life for all. That’s what I hope to do through this blog. Sometimes, my writing is very, very angry. I should say, most of the time my writing is very angry, however, I want you to know that I am not here to convince anyone of anything or to be angry all the time.

Everyone, ultimately, chooses for themselves the world they want to live in by where each is in their own consciousness. Life, whether physical or beyond, , if it exists, is a journey and not a destination.  Physical life is temporary, however, our essence, our real being, I think, is eternal. It is nice to get to some place in physical life and then, rest for a while. But we all have to continue our journey, otherwise, life will be stagnate and monotonous. Life is an adventure and also, life is a banquet, as Auntie Mame taught.

Live!, Live, Live!

I try very, very hard to think and stay positive. In this blog, however, if you have something negative to say, say it! As long as there are no threats of violence, feel free to say whatever you want. Remember, also, to be respectful, OK? We all have a our problems and we all are searching for a better life. Healthy criticism is always welcome on this blog, but bullying, gross disrespect and abusive, purely negative language, just to create chaos, is not. Call out bad behavior but leave people’s names out. Those who can, will hear you, whether they can accept their own thinking or behavior and face it or not, is up to the individual. Human laws, may or may not, catch up to bad behavior, Universal Law, for sure, will. Each must decide for themselves the direction in eternity that each one will take. The experiences and lessons that each needs on the eternal journey will reveal themselves moment upon moment on the journey of life.

Please, let me know what you think about anything written here, however, let it be constructive criticism. Tell me logically and rationally why you disagree with anything I may say. We all need to blow off steam in this life or we will explode. Some people do, and some don’t, but if we repress our feelings, they will eat us up, eventually, if we don’t channel the negativity in some way. If you have to, throw something that doesn’t break. Hit your pillow, if you have to do that. Do anything, except to harm another sentient being. Remember the Golden Rule. That is all you need to do! Everything else is just dogma, authoritarian control and power over you and others. Power over yourself and your own life should be the only other rule, never power over others.

There are enough negative people in this world and some are in charge of countries. Events which add nothing to the betterment of humanity are useless but that is exactly how this world is at this stage in humanity’s evolution.

If you can envision how we should be, rather than just what is the reality of this world, that would be much better. Sometimes, we don’t know the solutions just yet, but voice your opinion whether it be negative or positive.

Be in touch with all thoughts and ideas, however, filter them according to your own thinking and then express your carefully considered thoughts.

Read, read, read. Variety is the spice of life. At this point in time I have not had ideas for solutions for the problems that I see. Maybe, one day I will be fortunate to be inspired to see possible solutions to the woes of this planet.

If the world wants a more positive environment it must think more positively.

For everyday people, who are tge real power, maybe, one day, everyone could just stop voting and stop supporting their governments who really do not care anything about them anyway. We are the common people but we make the world operate. The people will never bring any real or true change to this world if they continue to support the same types of people and systems! It is so self-evident now!

The power of refusal to cooperate with an already corrupt and rotten system of government both in Brazil and the U.S. should be the goal of the people from now on because nothing will change unless the people take charge again.

One way would be to refuse to cooperate with government. How to do that I don’t know, but certainly if 90% of voters never turned out for an election or better yet if 100% did not turn out that would send a message. It certainly would be the most non-violent way to get government’s attention.

In Brazil, voting is obligatory so people could just vote for ‘João’ or ‘Maria’ Ninguém! After many years of observation, I have observed that in Brazil, corruption is at a Bachelor’s or Master’s degree level but in the U.S., it is at the PhD or post-PhD level, for sure.

Perception deception is an art in the U.S. and it is the game the powers there play with a lot of skill and attention to detail.

The shift toward the people regaining truly democratic control, either in Brazil or the U.S., will start if people send earthly power a strong message. When I speak of earthly power, I mean the extremely wealthy elite (the 1%), the owners of this world and their sycophants in government, in society as a whole and through the large multinational companies, whether here in Brazil or the U.S..

Change will only happen if the people send a message that they are not going to vote anymore for the same pathological and socio-pathological candidates time and time again.

Politicians always appear in “new clothing” with new faces but it is always the same old story of deceit, betrayal, and disappointment because nothing, fundamentally, really changes. Haven’t you observed that yet?

It’s time to tell all governments everywhere, the game is over!

It’s over because the game and the system are rigged. The system, in both countries, is only for the few, as many are beginning to realize. Real and true democracy does not exist. It’s a sham and an illusion. Politicians are going to do what they want to do anyway, so, let them do it, however, with no support, especially, financial support.

The game of this life has been the same game throughout history, in one form or another. Sure, there have been brief golden years in the past, but there are more years where the same game of deception happens time and time again.

It’s time to really change because the health of the planet and the health of the people are now at stake. People are beginning to wake up. The day is not far distant when a shift will occur. A shift occurs when, at least, 51% of the people shift to a new vision.

If no one voted or if no one showed up at the polls throughout the world, that simple act, certainly, would send a seismic shock wave and a very, very powerful message to those in government and to the powerful elite who control everything.

What would happen if no one voted?

Would the government retaliate and show their true selves more than they show us now? Together, united, we have, ultimately, the power to make their knees tremble to the core! Just the thought of the people in control would change the game. The majority “mob”, the people united, are the true power. When compared to the minority “mob”, i.e., the banksters, the elite of the elite, and others in the political mafia, the people, ultimately, have the true power and force!

Remember this: It’s a numbers game! The people are the majority, not the 1%.

We, the people, can change the world so that the people do have their say and do have the ultimate power. It’s the only way the status quo will ever change for the better, because, certainly, the system won’t. It’s too corrupt.

What would the governments do against the power of the people united?

There are solutions for the negativity in this world.

Let’s think about other solutions to the problems we have. Why add to the negativity of this life, unless we can also offer solutions.

I hope to be able to offer solutions, but I’m having a difficult time with that because there seems like there is nothing we can do. For example, why is there still war in this world? The simple answer would be to just stop fighting, however, that is not reality because there always seems to be someone who wants war or who will wage war over anything for just about any reason.

War is collective insanity! Why can’t people see that?

I’m an idealist and as an idealist I think the answers are very simple. Because everything in the world has become so complicated, the ideal solutions are never considered. Look at history! It shows that human beings cannot sit still and live in peace forever. Humans always invent a reason for war, sooner or later. It’s always been that way. Maybe it will always be that way! Maybe, that is the only way humanity can ever be.

War, nowadays, is a recipe for planetary self-destruction and mass suicide.

We are now at a time when nuclear disaster or ecological disaster, finally, can become reality. This is the first time in humanity’s history that the planet’s ecology and everything on it, can be destroyed completely.

And, it looks like it will be!

So, facing that reality we just have to do the best we can with what we have. I’ve often heard that if no one showed up for war there would be none! How often have most of the people not shown up for war in the past? Never! I’m talking about the vast majority of the people and not the few who have not shown up, sometimes.

In this world, there are enough intelligent people to come up with viable solutions to the planet’s problems. It adds nothing to what life is and should be, if we cannot offer solutions. There have to be solutions somehow and somewhere on this tiny planet. I hope to be able to discover some. I hope to be able to imagine some possibilities for solutions. I have thought about this often but then I look at the real world and see that maybe it won’t happen.

If the world is going to solve the major problems which confront us now for the first time in history, will it change? I’m not so sure it will, in enough time. If humanity survives, it will take thousands of years, perhaps, for any real, significant change to come.

No matter what, while there is still hope, every journey toward goals and solutions to Earth’s problems has to begin with the first step!

Farley Leite de Akers

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