Throughout my life, and even up to now, in my search for truth, I am continually shocked, more and more, at what I see in the world. It is so unbelievable that words cannot simply describe it. Humanity’s continuous brutality, destruction, lack of respect for itself, as well as for the very planet we call home, seems too hard to believe that it is happening. No matter what I do, I cannot turn the world off as I wish I could. Perhaps, it is another form of self-destruction that I wish I did not feel nor do I wish to accomplish. It is not my goal.
From the time I was a child, until now, in old age, I felt alienated and terrified. It began for me the day I found out that I was “queer” as many people began to refer to me, among other names I would hear so often throughout early childhood and adolescence. For me, I was my normal self. I was who I was and who I continue to be. Being gay is a misnomer, in a way. I never felt gay in any way about myself. I knew I was the exception to the rule of what was expectetd in this world. My mother, after years of knowing who I was, because I had revealed it to her in the late 70s, while most gays were hiding the fact. She mentioned only once to me, that I can remember, that I was “different” years after I had told her I was gay. She never discussed anything related with homosexuality to me. It was the unspeakable that could not be spoken between us.
Different? Is that all?
Everyone is different! So what? As Oscar Wilde called his love for other men, “the love that dare not mention its name”, I cannot even fathom that homosexuality will ever become truly acceptable in this world. There are just too many Old World forces still at play coming, especially, from religion, and from society, in general. However, a more accepting society of homosexuality is in its beginning stages but it still is not what the world wants to really accept, as a whole, mostly, The world is still a heterosexual world in what displays as the “normal” pattern, what still may be called the ‘norm”. The world still shows, mostly through the media, that the norm is heterosexuality instead of a picture of true diversity at every moment.
How far from the truth can the media get?
What is the “norm” anyway?
The world I know, and have known now for 67 years, is a world of total insanity. It used to be just crazy! Now, everything is extreme. Extreme greed, extreme competition, extreme brutality, extreme lack of respect, extreme lack of honesty, extreme lack of real love, and, mostly, an extreme lack of real cooperation between the nations of this planet to, finally, build a better world.
Do only a few see the world as it already should be by now?
Why isn’t the world a better place yet?
The world only appears to get worse and worse despite the “appearance” of it being better, but I don’t see it, at all, that way anymore. With new powerful atom bombs that we cannot even imagine how powerful they are, even with that “threat”, the world will not change for the better. Why is that?
How long does it take for a species, especially, as unique as the human species, to really awaken?
The planet appears to be regressing more and more and more, especially, politically, instead of stabilizing and ushering in the real New World where there is cooperation, altruism and a sense that the whole planet in unison, as one, to create a better world for all, instead of the absolute selfish power -dominated, fear-controlled world that it is.
The world should have really improved for, at least, a century now, especially, after World War I, the so-called “war to end all wars.”
Is it that humanity has a real problem in its capacity for learning from experience? What does it take or what will it take for humanity to really, fundamentally, change? I think that is the main problem. The problem of humanity, in general, is to change, when change is our own evolutionary salvation, especially now, at the most critical moment in planetary history. Yet, the media, in general, is acting as if everything is normal and everything should continue as normal in one of the most destructive eras, that for a century and a half, more or less, this planet has ever seen.
Is humanity pushing the boundaries and limits to what the planet can withstand?
So far, it seems that humanity has succeeded in maintaining a semblance of “homeostasis”, despite what scientists are saying about climate change. I agree with the scientists’ opinions about the seriousness of climate change but the vast majority of humanity appear to really not think anything major will happen to the climate from what I observe in general through mainstream media. Major shifts in how the economy needs to change and how Nature has been treated are really not evident, as far as I can see. From the news we see and hear, life appears to be just the normal chaotic way that it has been during my lifetime. The normal, as always, is a pure chaos of wars (there’s always a war somewhere on the planet), excessive competition, greed, new and more horrible diseases, etc., etc., etc. The worst of the worst of news is, literally, 24/7. It has always been that way during my life but has it always been this bad, as we are observing constantly now? Has the world always been this bad? I’d hate to think so. It’s no wonder that, at my age, I’m ready to leave this planet at a moment’s notice! My “bags” are packed and I feel now I’m in the waiting room of life, ready to board “transportation” to a much better place than this horror show of life. We call this planet Earth, but its real name is Unspeakable Horror that only this sub-evolved species is able to create with such perfection!